Tar heel 10 miler race report

The following statement is meant to be read in the voice of whoever that really amazing announcer who does movie previews is: "In an unjust world an epic battle rages for one man as he battles a hoard of warriors intent on his destruction and loss. A battle, in short, of good vs evil." I'm sure this is what it felt like for the two runners who jockeyed for first place the whole way during this race. My race start however, was probably meant to be read by the announcer who usually spoke the phrase "meanwhile back with the rest of the super friends..."

Unfortunately, the super friends only had room for eight members. Aqua man's ability to impress
girls at the bar with his "I can talk to fish." routine just edged me out.

My race started with stumbling down to the enemy encampment's position (also known as UNC's football field) with a little over 20,000 other runners. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to grab a spot and slip in with the other sardine packed runners. I was however, stuck for the first eight minutes or so shuffling along in what must have looked like the worlds largest and most uncoordinated group of white people trying to pull off the thriller dance. 

  As soon as we cleared the stadium and the congestion we hit an almost ninety degree hill which set the tone for the entire race.  We ran round and round the stadium while I kept checking my garmin, unable to believe how slow I was moving. I tried to reason that it was the seemingly never ending hills that oddly had no effect on anyone else but me as I struggled to keep up with my pace group. (a local group of 4th grade girls who kept talking about the cutest boys at lunch while I tried to stifle the sounds of coughing to up a lung.) 

UNC's version of a decoy duck.
Coincidentally, also my suggestion for
the ladies' USA marathon team uniform in the London Olympics.

  Around the 4 mile mark I finally seemed to catch my breath and find my stride, running easily the pace group.  (Which definitely, totally had nothing at all to do with the long down hill right before it.) With my heart settling down I realized a huge perk that was not listed on the website. I looked around and realized that this race was filled with more hot runner girls than I had ever seen in one place before. Even the UNC pace girl running beside me was super cute! I rapidly made a mental note that I need to plan to run this race every year. Turning again to the cute coed I drop my smoothest line "Sooo... how far are we from Laurel hill...?" (the race within a race, 200 feet straight up)  with a suave grin and trying not look like I'm about to stroke out. She smiles back and tells me it's between mile eight and nine. As I fall for it and grin like an idiot, I look down at my watch and realize that we've dropped pace by almost a minute. Then it dawns on me. She UNC's version of a decoy duck meant to slow down the good runners and make it easier for the home town boys to place! Jokes on her though. I never stood a chance at placing! HA HA!  

 I grit my teeth and push forward determined to make up for lost time. The hills don't feel so bad anymore and I refuse to engage any of the other gorgeous women I pass in conversation. (sorry ladies, no way of telling which of you really wanted to talk to me and which of you wanted to try and slow down my amazing 11:03 per mile pace.) One thing I hadn't noticed previously that this race brought to light was that, much like leprosy and being bitten by a were wolf, running changes fundamental things about you. For example, what you find attractive about the opposite sex. As I race to catch up to catch one particularly tiny coed I notice she has amazing, huge....calves. ...what...What. the. hell?? Calves?!? Well, hell, I think, I must be a runner now. I give her a passing glance as I try to remind myself to stay strong and push past. And then we round the corner to hit the monster that is Laurel hill. 

As I cross over the first timing mat, I feel like my feet are slogging through through thick mud when another pacer comes running up to me. The guy, who has to be at least 60 and is running like the love child of Jack Lalanne and Ryan Hall looks over and asks "Doing the laurel hill challenge?" (the fastest people in their age groups up the hill win a separate prize.) For the first time in my life, a deny the issued challenge. "No, just trying to make it." I say figuring I'll run the hill with this guy. "Ok," he says clapping me on the shoulder, "enjoy the rest if the race!" and proceeds to take off up laurel hill. No witty comments here. I'm still speechless. 

   As mountai...er, hill levels off I see a friend who was running the four miler just ahead of me. Not thinking of how it would look I proceed to sprint to catch up with her, grab her by the shoulders from behind and yell "what you doin' girl?!?" (oddly enough, this is apparently acceptable while running a race, while not acceptable while doing an evening run and seeing a girl you "thought you recognized" from one night in 2009.) she jumped, and realizing that none of the people staring knew me, I took off yelling Go ***** (friend's name requested to hidden for embarrassment.) you got this!!

   Pushing my legs and lungs away from the officers who were oddly enough running the race in uniform, I realize that I too, might have this. I wanted to make it sub 1:20:00 race and I am less than a mile to go and within reach of my goal. I decide to push with all I have and soon the stadium is in sight and the live music is filling my ears. I leap through people, round poles, running into the stadium where the announcer is yelling people's names out as they near the finish line. "Alright, let's go Linda!! Come on Drake and Erin!" Before I can think I am yelling out the words "SAY MY NAME!! SAY MY NAME!!" and, in retrospect, I am so, so very glad he did not. Awkward moment quota now filled, I come across the line at 1:20:33. Not quite what I wanted, but I'll take it. Now that I know the course, I hope to return to the field next year knowing where to surge and which which turns to push through so that I can shave a few minutes of my time. 

Those are some sexy calves.
(Insert obligatory southern joke here.)

Overall, great race and enough runners of all calibers to make it worthwhile for anyone coming out. After the race, most of the UNC girls weren't actually that bad to talk to. And hey, custom bib and cool medal! As always, thanks for reading, and any advice to this newbie runner is always appreciated!